Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
