I'm lost and stupid without you.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
