The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
