I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
