Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
