I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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