If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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