The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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