Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
