how can u be prego again
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
