some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
