I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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