I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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