I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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