I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
