Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just gargled with NyQuil
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
