Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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