I wannas sexs uuuuu
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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