apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
