WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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