DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
