Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
