I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
