I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
