My nipple is on Facebook.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
