So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
