Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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