I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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