Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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