Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
