I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the condom got lost in my hair
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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