Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
