best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
