He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
