remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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