guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
