I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
