this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
