I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
