I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
