oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
