am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
