I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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