Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
