just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
