oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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