I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
