i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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