can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
