I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
