this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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