reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
