this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
